off with you…shoo!

that’s right, 2007…away, away, and good riddance!
i suppose i learned a lot of valuable life lessons (or something), but this year really kicked my ass in a lot of ways. i haven’t felt much like posting lately as i don’t want to turn my journal into a boo-hoo-me pity party, but just when i thought 2007 couldn’t fit in any more un-fun, inconvenient crapola, it managed to throw just one more wrench into the works. 2007 was like the magic bag of awful tricks, and i am so glad it’s over…

i followed up, post-extraction, with a ‘local’ holistic dentist…super-awesome folks in Groton, MA…a two-hour drive, but well worth it. anyway, i heart them because they brought out a meridian chart, and i was in awe of just how many of my little chronic issues have corresponded to the meridian line the former problem tooth had occupied. i was told that, for not seeing a dentist in well over a decade, my mouth looked great. i do, however, have four cavities to be filled, a major deep-cleaning to be done, and of course, the bridge. they offer bonded bridges, which are awesome because they won’t have to destroy any other teeth to make the bridge, but it rings in at the tune of $3000. add the cavities and cleaning and my total bill will be about $4200. i have no dental insurance. where the f&#% i’m going to come up with this kind of cash, i just have no idea. if it were any other tooth besides the very front, i might just say forget it altogether, but i need to have this bridge or else have a hole in my mouth that will eventually want to be filled by my other teeth, distorting my face and destroying my bite (not to mention what it does to my self-esteem). the fake tooth/retainer thing is fine for now, but is designed to be temporary, to keep the gap open until the bridge goes in. i suppose i’m glad i found this out before the new year, or it would have shattered my hopes for a better year to come. at the very least, right now, i can hold onto some hope.

i don’t have resolutions this year, except perhaps putting forth my best efforts to maintain a positive outlook for more than five minutes, to remember to count my blessings before i sink into a funk about the lifejunk that comes my way. it’s just junk, anyway. there is always so much to be thankful for.
anyway, i have goals…here is #1:
i want to go home. to california. now. new england is beautiful and i adore the idea of living here, but it is not my home, and it never will be. i miss my family, i miss my friends, and i miss having a life. i want a farm, but not here. northern california will do, thank you very much. never again the bay area, as just visiting the other week was more than a little overwhelming, but the redwoods, oh how i miss them. and yosemite and goat yogurt, and did i mention my friends?
i want to grow my business. i have one more year to prove to the government that fiber is not just a hobby, but really and truly a business that brings me an income. the first year i spent almost ten times more than i made (i didn’t start selling until the end of the year), this year i may have come close to breaking even, and i want 2008 to be the year i come into the black with this adventure. before i became a mama, i was the breadwinner, and i feel a need to contribute financially and help us rise out of our pit of debt. which leads me to…
i want to be free of debt. it’s like a little black rain cloud that follows us wherever we go. it is amazing how deeply it penetrates every moment of our lives. it is always in our thoughts. it is a noose that tightens each time we just barely pay the minimum on a balance.
i want to wean my son and get some sleep. in fact, i think i need to sleep for two weeks straight, get up to eat something, and then sleep for another couple of weeks. then, oh then, i might begin to feel refreshed. he is hard-core resisting any and all attempts at night-weaning, but after two-and-a-half years, i am depleted and just done with ‘boobie.’ i want them back.
i want to be happy. SO READY FOR THIS ONE. really.
Write more. here, there, everywhere. my saturn return is seriously messing with me and i need an outlet for my musings and life-dissections. i want to enter my 30th year without clinging to regrets and what-ifs.

okay, well it’s officially 3 minutes into the new year, and i really should be working on the sleep thing. 2008, i love you. be kind to me and everyone else, too. that is all.

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