and the winner is…

…my own judgment. so, no one answered my poll, but that’s cool. i think i’m going to go with the hemp paper because it’s pretty and i like the texture.
edit: okay, so livejournal told me no one answered the poll, but

 says i got eight answers! how weird! so, screw my own judgment…the people speak and i’ll start with the 100% recycled and maybe just get a few of the hemp to see what people think of it.

i have piles of batts to spin, but i’m feeling very run-down and may just take tonight to rest…C has the day off tomorrow and i’m sure if i sweet talk him, i’ll have a few morning hours of spin time.
it’s not as if he will be driving me four hours round trip in the afternoon/evening to get my real fake tooth, or anything.

oh, but he is!

tomorrow i will be whole again. i can’t believe how the extraction of one tiny tooth has so profoundly affected me. how much it made me not want to get up in the mornings or look at myself in the mirror, or go to anyone’s house for dinner…
it’s not just vanity, although, as much as i hate to admit, that is surely part of it. and it isn’t so much that something is missing, so much that there is a hole there to replace it. a hole i cannot forget about, as there is either a tongue poking into it or an uncomfortable, ill-fitting contraption to fill it (and the rest of my mouth). and somehow this hole represents some dismal failure on my part, a weakness. a how-can-i-be-such-a-pushover. i have been beating myself up for the last few months for letting someone yank a piece of me away without doing any research or seeking out alternative solutions. i am always seeking for alternatives to every convention, but this time i thought they knew better. and now i know they were wrong and there is nothing i can do about it. that tooth was not a lizard’s tail or an ivy vine. it will never grow back and tomorrow i inherit a new contraption that will need constant maintenance for always.

i know it’s just a tooth. but it became a whole heckuva lot more than that for me, and i’m just trying to honor that here. a tiny thing that came to represent so much…fear being the most notable…fear of losing control, fear of accepting myself and the cards i am dealt.

needless to say, many lessons learned. an important step in my personal journey, whose harshness will now be tempered with a bit of well-placed porcelain, cast just for me…

as usual, the little guy can sum up my experience with a single expression:

and now i am off to cuddle my evening away with a mug of steamy cocoa…Spring is good for warm days and chilly nights…my favorite combination.

life is good.

night night!


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