Resolute

A little Stream-of-Consciousness style list for a Tuesday morning, and for all of 2014. GO:

*daily yoga practice (so far, so good!
*daily gratitude journal
*cultivate farmer’s hours: early to bed, early to rise
*root in self not circumstances
*pre-dawn “office” hours
*laugh more
*leave sometimes (to explore, to breathe)
*check my first response (patience, patience)
*learn coptic stitch
*learn how to use my sewing machine and make a thing to wear
*earn more through writing
*teach more art classes
*be okay with slowing down sometimes
*be okay with quiet
*be okay with doing my best
*meditate
*start the garden earlier, even if we have to do without the greenhouse
*create a big-boy workspace for O. He’s ready.
*tackle unexpected projects with joy rather than desperation
*find the silver linings (see above)
*get back on the road bike
*learn how to maintain said bike
*learn how to change a tire (on a car)
*learn some basic carpentry with C
*learn how to tan a hide
*revive my fiber business in an unexpected way
*menu plan to save time and money and brainspace
*read more
*make more
*believe more
*keep in better touch
*use USPS instead of gmail (see above)
*keep on top of deadlines
*use a calendar, like really use a calendar
*print photos
*be conscious of protecting myself from other people’s drama
*remember that it’s usually not personal (see above)
*give more, even when I don’t think we have anything to give
*remember that time is a wonderful gift and is often needed (see above)
*take piano lessons
*learn how to milk the goats
*purge our life of unused/unwanted things this Spring. They might make someone else happy.
*make a trip to Denver to see my dearest
*spend some time in the homeland, but just a little.

This seems like enough for right now. Have you made a list of goals for 2014? Link it, yo.

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Dear 2013,

You were a test I’m not sure I passed. I survived, though, and am more than ready to say goodbye. It’s not that you weren’t peppered with beautiful happenings. You know, and I know, that they were there. I have been grateful for these things. I was published! I met beautiful people at Squam! I’m still processing a bumper crop of garlic! Two evil kittens were acquired! Love grew, and so did my boy! There are so many more things I could punctuate with joyful exclamation, but man, the not-so-great things? They were really fucking harsh. Seriously. Even with all the fantastic things, I can put this down as the most difficult year of my life, hands down.

So, today, on New Year’s Day, I will make lentil soup for luck and prosperity, probably something like this one, because I’m Italian and that’s what we do. I will finish up a few lingering creative projects, like my Autumn poem, so I can say goodbye to that, too. I will make lists. I will clean the house. I will change the water in the aquarium, because axolotls must also enjoy a fresh new start. I will pat the goats and coo at the ducks. I will finalize my list of reasonable goals. I will play games with my son and it will be a full, full day, but not in an uncomfortable way. Rather, in an overstuffed chair kind of way.

I’ll try my best, 2013, to hold only your goodness in the moving forward.

And there you have it, my word for 2014: FORWARD.

What’s your word?

Into the light…

Solstice came and went in a haze of nasty-head-cold-brain, misty rain, and spilled tea. It also came with silver linings, pumpkin soup, rainbow birthday candles in the Yule log, and lovely neighbors bearing guacamole and pineapple.

It’s usually the day I spend setting down my intentions for the new year, but I needed rest, and that’s okay. I can do that today or tomorrow or the next day, and it will be okay. Certainly, one of the key themes for 2014 will be gentleness. 2013 was full of sharp edges, and some of them, perhaps most of them, were honed on my own strop.

I’m ready for rounded corners, clear direction, and fair winds to bear me. I’m ready to be kind to myself, to give more, and to connect more deeply with my community. I’m ready to forgive myself for not being where I thought I would be when, long ago, I imagined my life at 35.

I can release the clamps, and the glue will hold.

Three: 52

Portraits of my main squeezes, every Sunday.

I’m jumping in on this project a few weeks late, but that just seems to be a habit that won’t break with me. I can be okay with this. I have two words for 2013: ACCEPTANCE and DISCIPLINE. So, let’s accept the fact that I’m usually late to the party and move on.

As for the discipline, I require that in many aspects of my life. One sweet piece of my Discipline Pie is a new project I created, which you can find HERE. It’s a photography blog with multiple contributors, 6 of us regulars and an open spot on Sundays for guests. This gives me a creative focus with a deadline…so far, so good.

That takes care of Fridays. On Sundays, you will find me here, with a portrait of my sweetie and our spawn. Every week. Yes.

There is more. This year I’m gonna Make It Happen. So much is on my list in that regard, and sometimes I feel afraid terrified of actually manifesting the life I desire…I take things to a comfortable level, and then back off. I stop sharing, I stop writing. I start worrying about not doing it well enough, whatever it is. And you know what? The crawling into a cave thing? It’s more exhausting and inspiration-squelching than allowing myself to be here, to share, to give and receive feedback, and to be fully present in my creative life.

Yep. More on all that sooner rather than later. I promised fiber content ages ago. There has been dyeing and spinning happening, as always…just been quiet about it in the Webaverse. I’ll put a few things up in the shop tomorrow morning. Here’s one:

Ringing it in…

…quietly.

We spent the last month of 2009 being here, soaking up time with our families, shedding the crusty layers of a long and difficult year that included lost jobs, saying goodbye to friends and our home in Vermont, a few broken dreams, a few more moves and dearly departed loved ones. Purposefully, we didn’t make any plans these last few weeks. There has been enough to process, to reflect upon, to forgive and forget, to work through before we could be ready to move on. In a rare and lovely evening with the house all to ourselves, C and I spent New Year’s Eve putting some of all that processed junk into words. The opportunity to speak freely is something one takes for granted when living in one’s own house. We find ourselves in a multi-generational household, complete with teenagers who stay up until 1AM, and having just come from a communal situation at the farm and several months apart before that, it felt like it had been ages since we had a moment to connect, just the two of us.

And so we enter 2010 on the same page, ready to start down a shiny new path. We’re putting out feelers from the Bay all the way up the west coast, with a whole lot of faith that some awesome things are ready to materialize. It’s time.

It’s also time to think about a new list of Goals and Things and to revisit some areas in my life that need work.

A few of the Things off the top of my head: *slow down, slow down, take it all in…*make dates with myself…*movement class…*scratch, scribble, brush…every day on paper…*grow my business…(and a thicker skin…)*find a foraging mentor…*give more, give back…*receive graciously…*learn to be okay with asking for what I need…*trust in myself as much as the Boy does…*make my first quilt…crazy? or paper piecing?…*live joyously and spread it around…*divest myself of baggage, simplify.

There are always books to read, projects to finish, skills to acquire…I could make myself a long list, impossible to complete when there are still so many big changes up ahead…so just a few ideas in a stream-of-consciousness sort of way. I suppose I really could sit down and write some specific goals to look back upon next year, but I think this time around I’m going to leave expectations behind and enter this decade with an open heart.

Sea Creatures Eat Love Buns

Just remember that next time you’re trying to catch a glimpse of the Loch Ness Monster.

However, if you’re not planning a trip to Scotland with Moravian Love Buns in tow, you can knit your own Nessie and call it a day:

I LOVE IT when customers send me pictures of what they’ve knit with my yarns.* So often, I send yarns like Biohazard out into the world and never know what became of them. It is always a pleasure to see the end result of our collaborative effort. Thank you so much for sharing, Jenny!

Jenny’s Flickr is here where you will find reference to the designer of the pattern she used as well as photos of her other lovely projects.

So, about those Buns…

The baking has not stopped around here. In fact, we try to make every Tuesday “Baking Day,” and yesterday was no exception. C was inspired to bring out an old family favorite, Garden Way Publishing’s Bread Book: Recipes for All Seasons. Sadly, this book has been out of print for a long time, and I can’t find any info on the web unless you want to pay over a hundred bucks for it used on Amazon. It’s full of amazing bread recipes, including these:

How can you go wrong with “large puffy sweet rolls of ineffable goodness?”

Even though we decided not to make this an experiment of the gluten-free variety (read: no buns for me), I got plenty of satisfaction just watching the boys at work:

…and, of course, the glee-filled Boy enjoying a warm bun with his breakfast after the overnight proofing.

Tomorrow, I will share my resolutions, send off some packages and make good on some lingering obligations. There is much to look forward to in the New Year, and I’m ready to start it off with a clean slate and a fresh, shiny positive attitude. Whoot!

*so, send more! If you have a project, I want to see it!